Born This Way

Have you ever known a person that, for some mysterious unidentifiable reason - maybe no reason at all - you just don't like? Someone who aggravates you by an expression they make, by the way they comb  their hair, by blinking, or just by breathing the same air?

You have? 

Well, is it me, because I seem to have that affect on people a lot. No really, I do. Always have. I must have been born this way.

I don't bring this up to illicit sympathies from anyone. I'm just saying. Some people have the god-given talent of unintentionally annoying others. Of rubbing them the wrong way by simply existing. Hello. I'm Boozy Tooth... nice to meet you.

[I will pause here briefly so you can roll your eyes and think to yourself that I really ought to get over myself and stop being so gd melodramatic and hyper sensitive. (Don't lie, you know that's exactly what you were doing.)]

I admit that I certainly have had my share of pissy days and bad moods. Made my share of mistakes. Done my share of evil deeds and whatnot. I mean over the course of five decades you can't expect me to have been absolutely perfect. Who is? And I will gladly accept my slice of just deserts for all that, but in general I don't do particularly well being an object of disdain for no apparent reason. I don't appreciate being the target of nasty critical people. Or holding the dubious distinction as chief recipient of perpetual unfairness by those who hold no greater station in life than the overinflated manufactured one in their own minds. In other words, back off you miserable unhappy purveyors of gossipy harsh undeserved judgmental BS.

Okay. So you're probably wondering what brought this rant on, right? This SameShitNewDay rendition of a popular tune some of you hangers-on may remember from my old Casa H ice ramblings. It's my little pity party for one that I throw on occasion to help me navigate my way through someone doing me completely wrong. In this particular case, it's a low-frequency, barely-detectable, flying-under-the-radar-yet-oh-so-potent resentment that I seem to have cultivated in someone who shall remain nameless. Someone I don't even come in direct contact with but whose bad juju is so strong it still reaches me and clouds my sunshiny optimism. It drives a stake in my happy heart and is slowly chipping away at my joy. It's a problem created by someone who has decided to complicate my life because of a perceived (albeit bogus) threat they believe I have imposed over them and I am becoming very impatient with it.

As if that isn't bad enough, this person is now messing with me and trying to manipulate me in a stealthy behind-the-scenes kind of way and I'm not going to stand for it. I'm taking equally stealthy behind-the-scenes action and I'm nipping this business in the bud now!

I know all about feelings of unworthiness and fears of failure. I know all about being intimidated by someone else's talents. I know all about struggling with confidence issues and standing in the shadow of someone else's success. And you know what? I got over it by growing up and taking control of my life. By applying myself and striving to always do my best. To work hard. To be happy for others who have achieved success. To follow their example. To not compare, but to be inspired. To not wallow in mediocrity, but to rise above it. I have learned that I am the master of my own destiny and nobody else.

I guess there isn't much I can do about rubbing people the wrong way. It's going to happen occasionally and I just have to accept that. I can't and won't change who I am to assuage someone else's feelings of insecurity. I will not appease unhappy people by sinking to their level and joining in their unhappiness. I will not allow anyone to have power over me or allow them to steal my joy - not any more. Love me or hate me... it's up to you. But know this... if you hate me because you think I'm better than you, that's your problem.